Our beliefs—good, bad, and different — keep us, for the most part, tamed, manageable, and conforming to the rules.
Underachievers, overachievers, and everyone in between. Where do you fall on the spectrum? Wherever we are, our belief system is designed to keep us exactly where we are.
Don’t rock the boat. Keep the peace and avoid confrontation. That’s the job of our shadow. This week, I’m writing about how, from time to time, we come across the term gaslight.
From Wikipedia:
Gaslighting is the manipulation of someone into questioning their perception of reality. The term derives from the 1944 film Gaslight and became popular in the mid-2010s.
Gaslighting is a term used in self-help and amateur psychology to describe a dynamic that can occur in personal relationships (romantic or parental) and in workplace relationships. Gaslighting involves two parties: the “gaslighter” who persistently puts forth a false narrative to manipulate, and the “gaslighted” who struggles to maintain their individual autonomy.
Gaslighting is typically effective only when there is an unequal power dynamic or when the gaslighted individual has shown respect to the gaslighter.
Gaslighting is different from genuine relationship disagreement, which is both common and important in relationships. Gaslighting is distinct in that:
- one partner is consistently listening and considering the other partner’sperspective;
- one partner is consistently negating the other’s perception, insisting thatthey are wrong, or telling them that their emotional reaction is irrationalor dysfunctional.
In 2022, Merriam-Webster named gaslighting, its Word of the Year due to the vast increase in channels and technologies used to mislead and the word becoming common for the perception of deception. The word is often used incorrectly to refer to conflicts and disagreements.
The word gaslighting is occasionally used in clinical literature, but is considered a colloquialism by the American Psychological Association.
Consider the possible relationship of gaslighting and shadow beliefs: What I am hypothesizing here is that our shadow beliefs set the course of our comfort zones, and our own comfort zones gaslight us as a result. Hmmm…
When we were children, stuff happened. There was family drama, trauma, and all kinds of upsets we weren’t able to process, and as a result, we made up stories about ourselves, which became the basis of our shadows. The problem is we continue to believe those stories, promises, and denials into adulthood, and wind up repeating the drama until things go kaplooey.
What I’m saying is those beliefs gaslight us. They often make us believe there is something wrong with us, or the people in our lives, the opposing political party, or the world in general.
This shapes our personalities, our identity, and our ability to live an authentic life. To be held hostage by a belief or beliefs that patently are not true anymore is such an incredible waste of a perfect life.
If this rings true for you, and I know it does for most of us, the time to act is now. Take a stand against the resistance that is keeping you firmly planted in disbelief. There is time to get in a coaching program before the end of 2026 so you hit the ground running in 2027.
Avoid the resolution trap, which is just another name for re-illusion. It’s later than you think, and you are more powerful than you know.
All the very best,
Let’s get ready to be ready for 2027
Coach Karyn 🌹
